3.10.2016

Okay, here's a super strange thing about improvisational drawing: sometimes it really can divine hidden feelings and thoughts.

I drew this morning - improvising - letting whatever suggested itself emerge - not judging or guiding - mindful but free - and the drawing you see above - the light pencil shading - is all I got - shit - I stood up after a short time and knew it was done - I wanted to draw more but there was nothing coming up - done! - frustrated I walked away - angry at my short attention span - my distraction - this stupid simple minimal shadow - who cares? not exciting! Wish my drawing was more engaging, and on and on the rumbles went -

Back to my computer, taking care of emails and uploads that were due - I tried to do some editing - I walked outside - the air was unusually warm, refreshing, I relaxed, took a deep breath - happy for the early spring weather - and in that slight decompression - that space between moments - two images crossed my mind simultaneously intertwined.

The first image was a summary diagram of my work situation - you see, I am almost finished a whole slew of obligations and after having my creative freedom narrowly restricted by deadlines, I am about to pass into a more expansive time, soon to be free to give attention to larger art works.

The second image was a visualization of meditative practice being hotly discussed online - an hourglass model - that describes the path of meditation, starting broadly then gradually the practice deepens, attention more focused, until some insight broadens practice back into life.

I returned to the studio and immediately recognized in my drawing a simple but clear diagram of my two main subconscious upwellings - an hourglass and narrow passage.

"Ah-ha," I said, "I see what's on my mind."

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